There might not be a lot of things that generally ordinary human beings are consistently good at, but there is one and that is collapsing. It seems that no matter what the situation, generally ordinary human beings l always find a reason, at least once a week, to collapse.

This happens all the time, in public and in private, and it can be identified as a sudden yet inevitable sensation that one is no longer able of supporting oneself on just two legs, and the only solution is to collapse completely and wonderfully although sometimes painfully. It happens for all kinds of self-proclaimed reasons, ranging from stress, shock, horror, admiration, love, something too funny to handle standing up, anemia and even general pure exhaustion from doing nothing.

Sometimes you collapse because it’s too hot. Sometimes you collapse when it’s too cold. Sometimes you collapse because someone broke your heart. Sometimes you collapse because you ate awful food, but more likely you collapse when you’re about to eat food that’s so good you can’t even believe you’re going to be eating it. There are the times you collapse accidentally just because you want to be picked up. Other times you collapse solely because you’re a Bronco on some field in NJ and so it was destiny.

Whatever the reason, it is highly speculated that collapsing is not just a physiological phenomenon. “It may be much more than that,” Dr. Habbiyakah Ph.D from Harvard University muses, “It might be more like a personal statement or something. And depending on what you collapse from, you may actually seem more admirable or desirable to someone else who only wishes they were capable of collapsing at the mere thought of freshly picked kale.” Habbiyakah concludes, “Indeed, you could probably pick out interesting people with 99% higher accuracy if you stopped asking them questions they don’t really know about themselves and focused on figuring out what makes them collapse instead. Maybe this way, you actually have  a chance at figuring out who they are, who they want to be, and who they aren’t at all.”


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